Trouble In Paradise
What Kind of Self-Respecting Faggot Am I
Guess that I was destined to be the kind of guy
Who never really fits in and never keeps in time
So now I’ve started asking the question on my mind
What kind of self-respecting faggot am I?
I moved to San Francisco, it seemed the place to be
But I’m not into disco, and bars intimidate me
My only can of Crisco is where it’s s’posed to be
What kind of self-respecting faggot am I?
Don’t own a single record by Barbra, Bette, or Judy
Heard of Bette Davis, but never saw her movies
Guess I’m irresponsible, it seems I’ve shirked my duty
What kind of self-respecting faggot am I?
I don’t read magazines like GQ
My hair’s too long, my clothes are out of style
And when the conversation turns to Broadway shows
All I can do is sit and smile
I don’t brunch on Sundays, don’t own a set of weights
I wouldn’t dream of screwing ’til after several dates
I know it’s quite pathetic, I might as well be straight
What kind of self-respecting faggot am I?
It’s so hard to be a homo, it’s hard to play the game
When you don’t own a poster of Marilyn what’s-her-name
I know it’s hard to fathom, it’s really quite a shame
What kind of self-respecting faggot am I?
music & lyrics©1983 Ron Romanovsky & Paul Phillips
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Guilt Trip
I gave you my heart
To have and to hold
You warmed it at first
Then you dropped it cold
Now you want to be friends
Oh isn’t that sweet
Well, maybe I can
But first you’ll have to go on a retreat
Not the kind of a vacation for relaxing in the shade
I’m talking ’bout a guilt trip, all expenses paid!
Leave your problems far behind, take mine along instead
It’s what you deserve ’cause you’ve been playing with my head
Pack your suitcase full of sorrow, and lock yourself inside
You won’t feel any better, but I’ll be satisfied
You ruined my life
Deciding to leave
But you’re gonna suffer
If I’m gonna grieve
Now you like to travel
You like being alone
Well here’s a little trip
You can take all by your little self at home
Not the kind of a vacation where you lay out in the sun
I’m talking ’bout a guilt trip, misery for one!
Leave your problems far behind, take mine along instead
It’s what you deserve ’cause you’ve been playing with my head
Pack your suitcase full of sorrow, and lock yourself inside
You won’t feel any better, but I’ll be satisfied
I do not want to see you smiling
You’re not supposed to have a good time
You shouldn’t think about your feelings
You should only be concerned with mine
Leave your problems far behind, take mine along instead
It’s what you deserve ’cause you’ve been playing with my head
Pack your suitcase full of sorrow, and lock yourself inside
You won’t feel any better, but I’ll be satisfied
Not the kind of a vacation that you take to just unwind
I’m talking ’bout a guilt trip, leave your camera behind
music & lyrics ©1985 Ron Romanovsky & Paul Phillips
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Lost Emotions
I am leaving on a journey
Striking out alone
My friend has come to see me off
And now it’s time to go
I want to hold him in my arms
Tuck my head and cry
But with people all around
We simply say goodbye
I am sitting with my brother
In a restaurant
I’m rediscovering a long-lost friend
Listening to him talk
And knowing that he understands
And sees into my soul
I want to reach out for his hand
But that would break the rule
I am walking with my lover
The night is cool and clear
And everything he says to me
Is what I want to hear
Waiting for the light to change
We both want to embrace
But silently, we both agree
That this is not the place
I want to hold him in my arms
Tuck my head and cry
But with people all around
We simply say goodbye
We simply said goodbye
music & lyrics ©1982 Ron Romanovsky
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Wimp
Took my shirt to the cleaners
In an hour they’d have it Martinized
I should have complained when they ruined it
But instead I apologized
‘Cause I’m a wimp, and I know it
I take every opportunity I can to show it
I’m a wimp, I swear it
The shoe doesn’t fit but I’ll still wear it
I’m a wimp
Took my friend out to dinner
The Top of the Mark was where we went
The waiter was rude and so was the food
But I tipped him thirty-five percent
‘Cause I’m a wimp, and I know it
I take all the anger I feel and stow it
I’m a wimp, I swear it
I’d rather be mad at myself than share it
I’m a wimp
My therapist says I’m not really weak at all
She says I don’t need to always be meek and small
She thinks I’m just lacking a sense of self-worth
But I know some day I’ll inherit the earth
The heat went out in December
So I gave the landlord a ring
He said he was busy, I said, “Of course,
I don’t mind waiting ’til Spring
‘Cause I’m a wimp, and I know it
I take every chance to be strong and blow it
I’m a wimp, I swear it
I should be assertive but I just don’t dare it
I’m a wimp
My therapist says I’m not really weak at all
She says I don’t need to always be meek and small
She thinks I’m just lacking a sense of self-worth
But I know some day I’ll inherit the earth
music & lyrics ©1985 Ron Romanovsky
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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To Myself
I wanted more than anything to be the man you needed
I thought at times that it would work, I thought I had succeeded
But all along you knew the truth
You knew that it would be no use to keep on trying
Guess I was lying to myself
The night we met I liked you but I never dreamed I’d love you
It’s funny how as time went on I wanted so much of you
You seemed to like me from the start
I soon believed we’d never part, it seemed worth trying
And I was sighing to myself
I wanted to know you
To let my love show
You let me be the fool
How could you be so cruel?
Why didn’t you tell me?
You put me through hell
We never had a chance
To find our sweet romance
But you knew, didn’t you?
Why didn’t you tell me, too?
So now I guess it’s over but I just can’t seem to face it
It seems I’m always looking for
Another to replace it
But finally I’m breaking free
I’m learning to depend on me
I’ve just stopped trying
But I’m still crying to myself
music & lyrics ©1982 Paul Phillips
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Homophobia
There was a man who took a stand to try to shed some light
He said that sexual preference is a basic human right
The school board laid him off and said the budget was too tight
But it sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me
A woman with a child of six could find no place to live
And finally her lover said, “Why don’t you just move in?”
The landlord made excuses and raised the rent again
Sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me
It happens every day
No matter what they say
It’s just because you’re gay
Homophobia
It happens everywhere
You know it’s out of fear
It’s just because you’re queer
Homophobia
Some liberals say that it’s okay for people to be queer
As long as they don’t “flaunt” it, but it seems to me my dear
That we’ve seen straight folks flaunt their sexuality for years
Sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me
There was a man who shot our first gay supervisor dead
The Twinkies made him do it, that’s what his attorney said
He could have gotten life, but he got seven years instead
Sounds suspiciously like homophobia to me
It happens all the time
It’s not considered crime
It’s just another sign of
Homophobia
It happens to the dykes
And faggots on their bikes
The young and old alike
Homophobia
Now AIDS has claimed so many lives, and still there is no cure
And if they don’t spend more on research it will keep on killing more
Because it’s called a “gay” disease it’s easy to ignore
Which sounds a lot like blatant homophobia to me
It happens left and right
That’s why we must unite
We gotta stand and fight
Homophobia
music & lyrics
©1985 Ron Romanovsky & Paul Phillips
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Must’ve Been Drunk
I woke up in the morning with you wrapped inside my arms
Last night the tent got cold so we just snuggled to keep warm
I must admit that you had started feeling pretty good
And I was feeling you a little better than I should
Must’ve been drunk
For us to carry on this way
You don’t talk like Mister Rogers
I don’t look like Doris Day
Now maybe it’s the wine and weed
That made us act so queer
Or maybe homosexuals have bottled up this beer
My girlfriend she’s suspicious, she must know there’s something wrong
‘Cause ever since that night my need for her is twice as strong
And we’ve avoided sleeping out or wrestling since then
But deep inside I feel this need to hold you once again
Must’ve been drunk
For us to carry on this way
We don’t have the right equipment
For the games we seem to play
Now maybe it’s the wine and weed
That made us act so queer
Or maybe homosexuals have bottled up this beer
Now you have long been married and you’ve even got a kid
And you swear your wife feels better than your buddies ever did
But me, I’ve found the flaw in our old denial game
I’ve slept with men cold sober and it feels good just the same
Must’ve been drunk
For us to carry on this way
I swear God wouldn’t let a former altar boy be gay
Now maybe it’s the wine and weed
That made us act so queer
Or maybe homosexuals have bottled up this beer
music & lyrics ©1983 Larry Havluck
Published by Will Travel Music
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Trouble in Paradise
This is the story of two gay lovers
They lived together, they loved each other
Each time I saw them, i was inspired
They were respected, they were admired
But their love was stormy
Much like the weather
They’d pull apart, then
Get back together
Uh-oh, trouble in paradise
One of them was friendly, his good points showing
The other quiet, much less outgoing
One of them was certain their love was lasting
The other longed for the boys in passing
Celebrating six years
Trying hard for seven
An unexpected lover
Interrupted heaven
Uh-oh, trouble in paradise
Uh-oh, trouble in paradise
And like a cyclone, it shook the rafters
And all their dreams of happy-ever-afters
And the love that held them tightly now was pulling them apart
So twisted was the message of the heart
They’d built a happy life, no help from wedding bells and rice
And never planned on trouble in paradise
Uh-oh, trouble in paradise
Uh-oh, trouble in paradise
Is this the end now, the final curtain?
Will they survive it, be twice as certain?
What about this trauma, can they get past it?
And this new romance, will their love outlast it?
Well, love is never easy, it’s a lot of give and take
And it’s learning to forgive each new mistake
But any love worth having’s gonna take some sacrifice
Don’t run away from trouble in paradise
Uh-oh, trouble in paradise\ Uh-oh, trouble in paradise
music & lyrics ©1985 Ron Romanovsky
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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The Answering Machine Song
I met you at Jim’s house one Friday night
You were with Tim, but then I was with Mike
We went out for drinks, and we had a great time
You gave me your number, and I gave you mine
You told me to call and we’d do it again
But I bet you say that to all of the men
‘Cause it seems that you are never at home
You never answer your telephone
I’m so tired of talking to your answering machine
Are you really away, or are you just being mean?
Maybe you really don’t like me at all
Maybe you’re really just screening my phone call
I dial your number at least twice a day
A glutton for punishment, what can I say?
When I hear it ring, I’m on needles and pins
‘Til I hear a click, and the message begins
I know it by heart, and I wait for the tone
Feeling rejected, feeling alone
‘Cause thirty seconds isn’t long enough
To tell you everything I feel
Why did you give me your number
If you didn’t want to talk to me for real?
Why do you bother having it on?
When I leave a message, you never respond
Well I should be hurt, but I’m worried instead
Perhaps you’ve been kidnapped, or maybe your dead!
All kinds of nightmares are going through my brain
I’d call the police, but I don’t know your last name!
Avoiding phone calls is a science
But conversation is an art
Why did you give me your number
If you only meant to break my heart?
Thirty seconds isn’t long enough
To tell you everything I feel
Why did you give me your number
If you didn’t want to talk to me for real?
music & lyrics ©1985 Ron Romanovsky
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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He Wasn’t Talking To Me
He told me that he loved me
But who was he really talking to?
Was it my body, smooth and warm
Sheltering him from some emotional storm
He wasn’t talking to me
He told me that he needed me
But who was he really saying it to?
Was it his lover, miles away
That he was missing so badly that day
He wasn’t talking to me
He wasn’t talking to me
I thought that he was promising me
With the passion of his words
But now it’s just a dream
Only a movie scene
Or a conversation I overheard
He told me that he wanted me
But who was he really whispering to?
Was it some man I turned out not to be?
Must have been some other fantasy
He wasn’t talking to me, no
Sure wasn’t talking to me
He wasn’t talking to me
music & lyrics ©1985 Ron Romanovsky & Paul Phillips
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Don’t Use Your Penis (For A Brain)
I think penises are wonderful
I like to play with them
Masturbation is loads of fun
And so is loving other men
Watch them grow before your eyes
Lie back and watch them shrink
They can do a lot of things
But don’t use them to think
Don’t use your penis for a brain
Hard as it may be you really must refrain
‘Cause it’s meant to bring you pleasure
But it’s bound to bring you pain
If you try to use your penis for a brain
Some men are always collecting things
Like sports cars, guns and knives
They seem to think of them
As masculine extensions of their size
Perhaps it makes them feel secure
Or smart or even tall
But that kind of macho reasoning
Can only screw us all
Don’t use your penis for a brain
Hard as it may be you really must refrain
‘Cause it’s not a way to measure
Your power or your fame
So don’t try to use your penis for a brain
Penises are fun but not intelligent
They have no IQ
Penises are cute but they’re not logical
Don’t let them make decisions for you
We’ve got a president who’s so confused
He can’t tell right from wrong
He thinks a missile is a “peace keeper”
And that weapons make us strong
But that kind of rationale
Will only make us dead
I wish that when he runs the country
He would use his other head
Don’t use your penis for a brain
Hard as it may be you really must refrain
‘Cause it’s just a manly treasure
No it’s not a gun to aim
So don’t try to use your penis
You mus’nt try to use your penis
Please don’t try to use your penis for a brain!
music & lyrics ©1985 Ron Romanovsky
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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Carnival People
Let’s hear it for the people of the stage
And the silver screen and the printed page
Give us a place where it’s okay
To laugh and cry and to feel our pain
Jesters and clowns and carnival people
Trying to make it a little bit easier
Singing and playing so fine
All in a day’s work, all in a lifetime
But it’s not all magic as it may seem
We’re just small people with great big dreams
A song and dance, a valentine
To help you read between the lines
We’re not up here to tell you what’s right or wrong
We haven’t got answers, we just have our song
And we sing, and we dance, and we play
But it’s you who’s here, look at yourself on the stage
We fall in love to lose our fear
Refuse to look into a mirror
But carnival people won’t tell you those lies
We’ll open the door and let your demons inside
Go running wild
And when the show is done and the lights go on
It’s a brand new day, it’s a new dawn
And as you leave don’t feel alone
The prize is there, so take it home
Jesters and clowns and carnival people
Trying to make it a little bit easier
Singing and playing so fine
All in a day’s work, all in a lifetime
All in a day’s work, all in a lifetime
music & lyrics ©1979 Ron Romanovsky
Published by Bodacious Music (ASCAP)
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